I can’t breathe.

Here’s a bit of what happened since I’ve been gone. Holy fuck, I’ve missed this.

Betty and beans

Surrounded by complete silence, I’m not sure what awakens me. I open my eyes just in time to see a man approaching me, I try to jump up…scatter away…anything but he’s too close. The panic is momentary.

His hand wraps around my neck, he snatches the covers off me. I’m in my bra and panties; too tired the night before to change. He roughly assaults my breasts, removes my underwear. It’s been less than a minute since I awoke.

He crawls up over me, forces his way in my mouth, pushing himself deeper. I can’t breath, the force, the angle…I don’t know. I aimlessly push trying to get him to retract himself. He does, only to plunge himself in again.

He removes his substantial length from my mouth, immediately settling between my legs and plowing in. As he enters me, his command: I’ll swallow this load. When he’s ready he…

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She’s baaaaaaacccckkkk, sorta.

**deep breaths** It’s been a year and a half since I’ve posted here. I know many of you have left. I’ve watched. But I’m here, and well, I’ve stalked Betty for a few weeks thinking, maybe burning, to swirl my toe in these dirty waters. To see who’s out there to listen, and to share some of the ups and downs I’ve faced since leaving this pseudo-safehaven.

That’s what Betty Homebanger was for me. The amped up, badass version of myself that I’d love to exhibit at all times. But the facade wears thin at times, and beneath it…lies a bit of Betty and a splash of Beans.

Make no mistake, the sex is hotter than ever, and the drama has reached all time highs. But my actually life has reached nasty, dark, undisputed lows.

So…is anybody out there?

Goodbye, Part 2

A final word (at least for now), I’ve made the majority of my posts private but didn’t delete them.  I don’t think I’ll come back to them, but they’re here if I choose to.  A couple of people asked if my goodbye was swinger related, and I thought I should try to clarify that the best I can while respecting my family’s privacy.

To the best of my knowledge swinging has not played any real role in my current situation – truly.  I’ve made mistakes, past and present, and I’m feeling the effects now – as an individual and as a spouse.  My opinions have changed about swinging, not that it’s bad, but the appropriate way to go about it.  I only feel this way as a reflection of my past in general.  I know this probably raises more questions than answers them.  I’m sorry for that.  I think open relationships, swinging, and monogamy are best decided amongst the people considering them, and only they can know what’s right for them.

I can say I’ve grown, and learned so much about myself through this blog and swinging.

Best Regards,

Betty

Goodbye Betty.

I woke up last week, really for the first time in quite some time.  Currently, I’m evaluating myself, my marriage, our life.  This is an extremely difficult time for my husband and myself. I’ve enjoyed blogging so much, and think I’ll do it again at some point, but not as Betty Homebanger.

I feel like I’ve made friends with some fellow bloggers and I’ll continue following your blogs.  Thanks everyone for the support of Betty and me.

I’ll be deleting my posts at the end of the week.

B

One Paragraph at a Time (Erotica-ish Challenges)…Homebanger Style

I’m continuing the Erotica-ish Challenge that is now One Paragraph of Erotica Thursdays created by Nate of Speaking Out on Nate, this week’s theme was Cowboys.  I’m late, and I only did 3.  Oh well, 3 seems like the maximum number my creativity will allow – and cowboys aren’t my favorite type of men. 😉

1. A bar, poker game, a prostitute in a hurry
2. A dastardly villain, a train coming into town, a damsel in distress, a hero who lost his hat
3. A snake oil salesman, a covered wagon with a broken wheel, three women looking to get to town, blazing sun
4. A mysterious destination, a cowboy on a stubborn horse, a lost cow, rancher looking for cow
5. A man with a mustache, a cell phone on vibrate, two college girls, at a rodeo (supplied by Betty Homebanger)

1. Sheriff Johnson pushed the doors to the saloon open, letting them swing shut behind him.  He watched as all attention turned to him, except for a table of patrons playing poker in the corner.  The same men that had meandered into his town only hours before, “trouble” he thought.  Henrietta, a local prostitute, was enjoying the attention the gentlemen were lavishing her with.  “They’re in for a surprise.” Sheriff Johnson mumbled under his breath.  Just then he watched Henrietta hurry to the back with two of the gentlemen in hand.  He decided to wait this one out, not three minutes later, one man came barreling out from the private room.  He grabbed a bottle of Jack, turned around, and headed back.  “I’ll be damned,” the Sheriff exchanged a knowing look with the bartender, “Henri has done it again”.

2. “Damn.” Harry (the dirty kind) reached to his head, his hat had flown off right in the middle of chasing down the train headed to town.  He pulled the reigns of Loaded, his black stallion, “Ah, they’ve got to stop at the station regardless, I can’t leave my hat.”  He explained to his horse.  He was trying to catch the train to warn them about Willie Stroker, the ruthless outlaw that had just robbed a train 2 towns over.  Just then a horse flew past him, carrying a man matching Willie’s description and a frightened woman slung over him, riding reverse cowgirl.  There had been no mention of a hostage.  Harry raced after them, forgetting about his hat, he watched as the woman pleaded with her eyes for him to help her.  Just then her head fell back onto the villain’s shoulder and she screamed out, “Oh God yes!”.  “That must be one hell of a horse, Loaded.” Harry kicked his heels, encouraging Loaded to catch up so they could both have some fun.

3.  The blazing sun beat down on the three ladies as they stood over the pieces of splintered wood that once was a wagon wheel. “What are we going to do?” the blonde young lady asked, “If I don’t get to town for a new riding crop Jim is going to tan my hide”.  “Settle down May, I’ll teach you how to really use that riding crop, and Jim won’t even remember it was for the horses.” the vivacious red-head replied.  Just then a bald man in a cheap suit slowed his horse down beside them. “Good day ladies, what seems to be the problem?”  The seedy man asked.  “Our wagon wheel is broken, we need help replacing it.” The brunette answered.  “Hmm, I’m sure I could help you with that but I’m going to need some supplies.”  he replied, his deceitful eyes gleaming.  “Anything.” replied the blonde.  “Alright, I need two of your corsets, and one of your petticoats and skirt.”  “What for?” asked the red-head, “I’ll explain in a minute, just do it”.  “Fine” the brunette replied, “but only because we love seeing each other naked, I know what you’re after, you’re nothing but a snake oil salesman”.  “Damn, you caught me.” he replied with a grin as he watched them undress.

Judy and the PussyWhisperer

See I told you she had great tits, didn’t I?

The Jetsons are in the process of taming their unicorn, but we currently have a more pressing issue.  Judy, that lucky bitch with the awesome tits, has got the PussyWhisperer text messaging her.

George and Judy met a couple last week for drinks, and hit it off, so they’ve been texting back and forth until the big bang happens.  The female and George have been texting too, but it doesn’t have Betty Jr.’s attention like the PussyWhisperer does.  Holy Balls, it’s hot.  He may not realize it but he has been whispering to Betty, Jr. too, and she hears his kinky secrets.

I’m going to try to relay the messages from memory, so they may not be precise, but close.

Here’s what we have so far (ladies prepare for yourselves):

Judy, being the kickass kinkster she is, asked PW (PussyWhisperer) if he was going to spank her, and told him she really liked Princess Donna.  So apparently the mention of spanking or Princess Donna got PW worked up, because it was on after that.

PW: I’m going to flog your ass and turn it red before I shove my fat cock in your pussy.

Betty: whimpers, Oh dear God, that’s hot.

Judy: I can’t remember her response because all logical thinking had left.

PW: I’ll harness your ankles and wrists together on my spreader bar and pound you with my cock.

Betty: Pick me, Pick me.

Judy: Holy shit.

Next day’s texts:

PW: I want to lick your clit, and bury my face in your pussy.

Judy: Mmmm…that’s a nice opening.

PW: I’ll eat you out until you’re begging for my cock.

Judy: Yes please.

PW: I going to flog your ass as you suck me off, and finger your asshole.

PW: You’ll like that won’t you slut?”

Betty: pussy quiver

Judy: Mmmhmm (she also tells him she’s never done this before and maybe they should start with his hand, he responds whatever you’re comfortable with…what a good little Dom).

PW: Are you ready to submit to me in front of your husband, and have your husband watch me fuck the shit out of you?

Judy: Yes and yes

Betty: You go Judy.

PW: I’m rock hard right now thinking of your tight ass, and how much I want to fuck it.  

PW: As I’m fucking your ass, I’m going to flog your tits.

I told Judy she should give him my number so he could just send me smoking hot text messages. I had to readjust in my chair as she filled me in, and my face apparently took on a glazed over lusty appearance.  I think he could have a future in erotica (maybe he already does?).

I can’t wait to see his other texts, and what happens when they get in the same room.  I told Judy maybe I should be there to document this steamy encounter, you know for research purposes.

**After I wrote Meet The Jetsons, Cash pointed out Judy was George’s daughter, not wife.  Oops, oh well.

One Paragraph At A Time (Erotica-ish Challenge)…Homebanger Style

I had so much fun writing the bonus question from my  Sensual Blogger Award inspired by Speaking Out on Nate that I decided to jump to the challenge when he proposed more prompts here One Paragraph At A Time (Erotica-ish Challenge) and here Well…Dat Happened (Updated).  So the following are the prompts I was given and what I did with them.  I have no experience and very little imagination so cut a girl some slack.

#1: A 24 hour diner, a truck driver, a waitress with the hiccups, and a glass of water.

Jed pulled his 18 wheeler into The Big Pumper, a 24 hour diner, to get some food and catch a few hours of sleep.  He walked in, and took a seat at the counter just as a busty bosomed waitress turned around. “I’ll be right with you.” she said with a hiccup.  His eyes went straight to her voluptuous breasts as she continued to hiccup.  Every time her diaphragm contracted her beautiful breasts jiggled and looked as if they would spill out of her uniform.  It had been months since he had felt a woman’s pussy contract around his thick meaty cock.  “Maybe you should get a glass of water.” He told the waitress. “I’ve tried that.  I just need to swallow something really thick to get my diaphragm back in order.” she explained.  “I’ve got just the thing.” he responded.

#2: A magic mushroom, 2 fairies with butterfly wings, and a spider with a knack for tying knots.

Sasha was feeling the effects of the magical mushrooms she had taken, and decided there was no way she’d be able to handle herself around heterosexual men tonight. She walked into the bar and a hunky bartender said “Welcome to Two Fairies with Butterfly Wings.  What can I get you to drink?”  “Do you have any specials?” Sasha asked, “Tonight’s special is ‘A Spider with a Knack for Tying Knots’.  It’s a signature cocktail, all the fairies love it.” he explained  “Fairies?” “Oh, it’s just what we call our regular patrons.” explained the bartender.  “Oh.”, “So what brings a beautiful young lady to a gay bar?” he asked. “I just couldn’t handle straight guys tonight, I figured I’d be safe here.” she explained.  “Gotcha, well just to let know you know all the bartenders are straight.” Oh shit, she thought. “Really?” she asked.  “Yep, and I’m getting off at midnight if you want to stick around.” he replied.  “If I stick around will you get me off too?”

#3: A less than virtuous maiden, a knight with a secret, an innkeeper looking to make some money, and a rainy night.

The rain had just begun to fall as the innkeeper looked out of the cottage window.  “People will be looking for shelter soon, I’ll charge my highest rates, two shillings a night, due to the weather.” she thought.  Just then, a tall striking young knight busted through the doorway.  His armor was glistening with rain drops, reminding her of sweat-sheened bodies tangled much like a fly in a web of a spider with a knack for tying knots (Booyah! Didn’t expect me to use that twice, did ya?).  The innkeeper removed herself from her daydream to help the dashing knight.  “Need a room?” she asked. “Yes, two please, my sister will need one as well.” he responded in a warm rich deep voice.  Her pussy quivered in response.  “Alright, that’s four shillings, will you need anything else?”  “I’ll need some company for the evening, but only if you can keep a secret.” he seductively replied.  “What kind of secret?” “Meet me in my room and you’ll see.”  Just then the cottage door opened and a young maiden came in dressed entirely in white.  “This is my sister, she’ll need a room directly across from mine so I can keep an eye on her.” he instructed.  “Certainly, sir.”  The two guests were shown to their rooms, and the innkeeper told the knight she would be back shortly.  She knocked on the door, and the knight showed her into his room where the maiden laid tied to his bed wearing a corset fit for a harlot.  The knight came up behind her and whispered in her ear “Can you keep a secret?” as he covered her eyes with a blindfold.

Not my best work.  Maybe I should stick to banging, not erotica-ish paragraphs.  Next time maybe I’ll search out some magic mushrooms for inspiration.

I’m not an ice cream cone…a cunnilingus rant

Apparently I have been spoiled with the oral sex I’ve received up until now; I didn’t know there was such thing as bad head for women.  I guess I was living the dream life, with wonderful skilled attentive givers…ah what a life.  I recently had my first encounter with a sub par pussy eater.  Not sure if he just doesn’t know what women like or doesn’t like doing it; regardless it sucked.  I’d like to say it just wasn’t as nice as my other partners, that’s just not true; it sucked.  It was like, ‘Ah, remove yourself from down there before I lose all interest in anything sexual.’

Why do you ask?  Because it was one move, an ice cream cone lick.  No variation, no focusing on any special spots (hint hint), no swirl/twirl exciting fun.  Just a lick up, pull back, lick up, and repeat.  The fucking ice cream cone technique.

I am one of those lucky girls that can orgasm from cunnilingus, and it’s not any old run of the mill orgasm.  It’s a convulsing, or-spasmic, toe-curling bliss that leaves me all limp and gooey.  Dear God, it’s amazing.  My husband has to hold my body down after one of those rock your world, nothing better beauties.  And it goes on and on and on.  I’m all dreamy-eyed just thinking about it.

So anyways, running into such a lack luster pussy eating experience really disappointed me.  To me this is a necessary, frankly should be mandatory skill.  I know there are those totally insane bitches that don’t like having oral sex performed on them.  Maybe these poor men have only been with “those” women, but someone needs to put a stop to this insanity.

So what make’s my special spot all tingly with joy?

Enthusiasm (the secret to felliatio and cunnilingus), as mentioned previously I love performing oral sex, it gets me so turned on.  I don’t think it’s something you can fake (maybe?) so really you should enjoy it if you’re going to do it.

Stick with what works a bit of variation is good – fingers included, but not really necessary.  That wonder button called a clitoris is where it’s at.  Find that sweet spot and nibble, suck, and lick your way to paradise.

It’s all in the numbers.  As in the magical “8” swirly technique, oh, yeah that’s nice.

Don’t be afraid to suck it. When I’m close if my giver sucks my clitoral hood BAM, sends me right over the edge.

Clues for how it’s being received:

Hair pulling – good

Moaning – good

Riding your face like fucking crazy – she’s close don’t change a thing at all until she comes – and very good

I hope these tips will help others avoid ice cream cone licking catastrophes.  Any other questions, tips, or insight don’t be afraid to comment below. 🙂