Judy and the PussyWhisperer

See I told you she had great tits, didn’t I?

The Jetsons are in the process of taming their unicorn, but we currently have a more pressing issue.  Judy, that lucky bitch with the awesome tits, has got the PussyWhisperer text messaging her.

George and Judy met a couple last week for drinks, and hit it off, so they’ve been texting back and forth until the big bang happens.  The female and George have been texting too, but it doesn’t have Betty Jr.’s attention like the PussyWhisperer does.  Holy Balls, it’s hot.  He may not realize it but he has been whispering to Betty, Jr. too, and she hears his kinky secrets.

I’m going to try to relay the messages from memory, so they may not be precise, but close.

Here’s what we have so far (ladies prepare for yourselves):

Judy, being the kickass kinkster she is, asked PW (PussyWhisperer) if he was going to spank her, and told him she really liked Princess Donna.  So apparently the mention of spanking or Princess Donna got PW worked up, because it was on after that.

PW: I’m going to flog your ass and turn it red before I shove my fat cock in your pussy.

Betty: whimpers, Oh dear God, that’s hot.

Judy: I can’t remember her response because all logical thinking had left.

PW: I’ll harness your ankles and wrists together on my spreader bar and pound you with my cock.

Betty: Pick me, Pick me.

Judy: Holy shit.

Next day’s texts:

PW: I want to lick your clit, and bury my face in your pussy.

Judy: Mmmm…that’s a nice opening.

PW: I’ll eat you out until you’re begging for my cock.

Judy: Yes please.

PW: I going to flog your ass as you suck me off, and finger your asshole.

PW: You’ll like that won’t you slut?”

Betty: pussy quiver

Judy: Mmmhmm (she also tells him she’s never done this before and maybe they should start with his hand, he responds whatever you’re comfortable with…what a good little Dom).

PW: Are you ready to submit to me in front of your husband, and have your husband watch me fuck the shit out of you?

Judy: Yes and yes

Betty: You go Judy.

PW: I’m rock hard right now thinking of your tight ass, and how much I want to fuck it.  

PW: As I’m fucking your ass, I’m going to flog your tits.

I told Judy she should give him my number so he could just send me smoking hot text messages. I had to readjust in my chair as she filled me in, and my face apparently took on a glazed over lusty appearance.  I think he could have a future in erotica (maybe he already does?).

I can’t wait to see his other texts, and what happens when they get in the same room.  I told Judy maybe I should be there to document this steamy encounter, you know for research purposes.

**After I wrote Meet The Jetsons, Cash pointed out Judy was George’s daughter, not wife.  Oops, oh well.

I’m not an ice cream cone…a cunnilingus rant

Apparently I have been spoiled with the oral sex I’ve received up until now; I didn’t know there was such thing as bad head for women.  I guess I was living the dream life, with wonderful skilled attentive givers…ah what a life.  I recently had my first encounter with a sub par pussy eater.  Not sure if he just doesn’t know what women like or doesn’t like doing it; regardless it sucked.  I’d like to say it just wasn’t as nice as my other partners, that’s just not true; it sucked.  It was like, ‘Ah, remove yourself from down there before I lose all interest in anything sexual.’

Why do you ask?  Because it was one move, an ice cream cone lick.  No variation, no focusing on any special spots (hint hint), no swirl/twirl exciting fun.  Just a lick up, pull back, lick up, and repeat.  The fucking ice cream cone technique.

I am one of those lucky girls that can orgasm from cunnilingus, and it’s not any old run of the mill orgasm.  It’s a convulsing, or-spasmic, toe-curling bliss that leaves me all limp and gooey.  Dear God, it’s amazing.  My husband has to hold my body down after one of those rock your world, nothing better beauties.  And it goes on and on and on.  I’m all dreamy-eyed just thinking about it.

So anyways, running into such a lack luster pussy eating experience really disappointed me.  To me this is a necessary, frankly should be mandatory skill.  I know there are those totally insane bitches that don’t like having oral sex performed on them.  Maybe these poor men have only been with “those” women, but someone needs to put a stop to this insanity.

So what make’s my special spot all tingly with joy?

Enthusiasm (the secret to felliatio and cunnilingus), as mentioned previously I love performing oral sex, it gets me so turned on.  I don’t think it’s something you can fake (maybe?) so really you should enjoy it if you’re going to do it.

Stick with what works a bit of variation is good – fingers included, but not really necessary.  That wonder button called a clitoris is where it’s at.  Find that sweet spot and nibble, suck, and lick your way to paradise.

It’s all in the numbers.  As in the magical “8” swirly technique, oh, yeah that’s nice.

Don’t be afraid to suck it. When I’m close if my giver sucks my clitoral hood BAM, sends me right over the edge.

Clues for how it’s being received:

Hair pulling – good

Moaning – good

Riding your face like fucking crazy – she’s close don’t change a thing at all until she comes – and very good

I hope these tips will help others avoid ice cream cone licking catastrophes.  Any other questions, tips, or insight don’t be afraid to comment below. 🙂